My First Attraction...

When I was a junior in high school, which was about two or one and a half years ago, I had a seminary teacher, Sister Durr (name has been changed). Toward the middle of the year, I started to notice this slight attraction to her. I did not know what it was. I just saw her as a tall, beautiful lady at whom I liked to look. After a time of thinking about it, it crept into my mind that I was probably attracted to her...sexually. I was afraid that I had done something wrong. I was afraid that I was to be cut off from the Church. In desparation, I asked my sister if it was possible. Her reply was, "I don't think so."

So I took that as an answer. I tried to ignore those feelings, and yet they persisted. I figured that it really was a "crush," just a feeling. Then I thought to myself that if it was a crush, then it probably was not that bad. Maybe it was not the result of transgression. I did not feel that I had done anything wrong.

But for a while, I wanted to die. When it came to my mind that I probably had a crush on this seminary teacher, I just wanted to die.

Now, however, after reading books from members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints about same-gender attraction, I decided that this was just one of my struggles in life. We will all have struggles. Not all of them will be the same. Not everyone is going to struggle with this struggle. Not all of us will struggle with cancer, anemia, bad relationships, death of close family, death from suicide, depression, "bad luck," or many other of the struggles through which others go.

But we all know this: we are ALL children of God. He knows us. He sent His Son to die for us so that He can be able to know the best way to succor us. And He will succor us. I know it.